Geographic locations

I notice that these days, when people speak, location seems important to them—it’s one location in particular: ‘there’. They say such things as ‘don’t go there’, ‘been there, done that’, and ‘you were never there for me’. They don’t say much about ‘here’. If they do mention ‘here’, they usually say ‘I’m outta here’, which is really an indirect way of saying ‘there’, because if they’re out of ‘here’ then they must be going ‘there’, even though they were specifically warned not to. It seems to me that ‘here’ and ‘there’ present an important problem because when you get right down to it, those are the only two places we have… which of course is really neither ‘here’ nor ‘there’.

SO… lets first talk about ‘don’t go there’. As we all know, painfully by now, when you mention something someone thinks you shouldn’t go into any further, they say ‘don’t go there’. What they fail to realise of course is that technically, by the time they told you not to go there, it’s too late. You’re already there. Because you already mentioned what it is they are uncomfortable with. At a time like that, what they should be saying is ‘don’t stay there’, or at the very least ‘please hurry back’… sort of like ‘wish you were here’. The only time I would tell somebody ‘don’t go there’ is if they told me they were planning a trip to Iraq.

By the way, when one of those TV news men on MSNBC recently tried to get his co-anchor lady to react to some juicy celebrity rumour, she said to him ‘I am so not going there’, and I thought to myself ‘why am I allowing someone like this to bring me the news?’.

Another phrase I don’t care for is ‘been there, done that’. I personally am not so cocky. I prefer the modest approach. Instead of ‘been there, done that’, I would usually say ‘been nearby, done something similar’. And by the way, most people don’t seem to know the full expression. I heard Drew Barrymore say it on the Tonight show: ‘been there, done that, got the t-shirt’. It’s a little smarter, and hasn’t been overused yet. Staying with this subject of location, when someone is ending a long term relationship, quite often they’d tell the other party ‘you were never there for me’. Again, what they may be forgetting that possibly some time in the past, they had told that very same person ‘don’t go there’. So how can they blame the person for not being there, when they themselves issued specific instructions not to go there In the first place? It seems unfair.

Additionally, many people who are ending relationships use another bothersome phrase: ‘moving on’. They’ll say ‘I found Steven in bed with a carnival worker and they were doing unpleasant things to a chipmunk, so I’m moving on’. And I think to myself, it actually sounds more like Steven is the one who’s moving on. Occasionally I get impatient with these people. When they tell me they’re moving on, I look at my watch and say ‘well isn’t it about time you got started? No sense standing around here talking to me when you could be out there moving on’. I don’t know. I guess it works out... cause when I run into the same person a few months later, they usually say ‘I’m in a whole different place now.’

19/02/12

She didn't show up last night; I don't know why and I'm not going to find out. As much as it breaks my heart, I have to let her go like she let me go... it's time to face the fact that friendship ends... even the ones that have endured for 16 years.

I will always love her, and if she asked me if we could be friends again I'd say yes in a heartbeat. But until then...

Equality

Over the years, I’ve noticed a few things about the sexes and I’d like to discuss them—men and women; the big, hairy noisy male creatures and the smaller, smoother but nonetheless also quite noisy female creatures. Here’s all you need to know about men and women.

Women are crazy. Men are stupid.

And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. It’s not the only reason, but it’s a big one. And by the way, if you don’t think men are stupid, check the newspaper. 99% of all the truly horrifying shit going on in this world was initiated, established, perpetrated and enabled or continued by men. And that includes the ‘wave’ and the ‘high-five’—two of history’s truly low points. But as I say, besides knowing that men are stupid, it’s also important to remember that women are crazy, and if you don’t think women are crazy… ask a man. That’s the one thing men aren’t stupid about. They know for sure, way down in their heart, that women are straight out fucking nuts. But it doesn’t just happen, it isn’t an accident; women have good reason to be nuts. The main one being that in the course of life, compared with men, they have far more to put up with—they bear greater burdens. Think of it this way: In the big cosmic cafeteria, as human beings move down the chow line of life, and reach that section where the shit is being spooned out, women are being given several extra portions.

Now please understand my motives here are not selfish or personal. I’m not saying all this stuff to get in good with women, though the occasional blowjob would be nice. But it’s not a requirement; it’s optional! BJO! Blow job optional!

Now, I just think it should be evident to any person who’s being honest and thinking clearly that women carry a lot more of life’s baggage than men. To begin with, they’re smaller and weaker so they get slapped, punched, raped, abused and in general get the shit beat out of them on a rather regular basis—by men of course—who are stronger. If women were stronger, this wouldn’t be happening! Men would not raise a hand to women if they thought the balance was more equal—they’d back down quickly. Then again, if women were stronger, they probably would be beating the shit out of men just for the fun of it. It’s only fair.

Here’s another physical treat for females—PERIODS! Cramping, bloating and bleeding five days a month—15% of the time! And you can add the time spent with premenstrual syndrome—PMS. Men gave it that name. If women had named it, it would be called ‘my-several-days-of-shrieking-and-crying-and-depression-just-before-my-several-days-of-bleeding-cramping-and-bloating’. Men don’t quite see it from that angle. Men experience PMS as a problem for them!

Here are some more special female advantages, in case you haven’t had enough. Pap smears, mammograms, hysterectomies, mastectomies, miscarriages, abortions, labour pains, episiotomies, stretch marks and breast feeding. And postpartum depression! Can’t imagine why she wouldn’t feel good /sarcasm. And just to top it all off: MENOPAUSE—More strange behaviour and exciting physical sensations… and in exchange for all of this abuse from nature, what is a woman’s payoff? Why, she’s allowed to get on the lifeboat first! At least theoretically. How often do you think that really happens? Oh and let’s not forget many men are quite willing to hold the door open for her. In fact, some men are quite impressed with their willingness to do this—they brag about it.

I’ll tell you what a bad deal women got. They’re in the majority on this planet and they still wound up with the shitty end of the stick. That’s how big a hosing they got. Oh, and one other inequity I neglected to mention… very unequal, but this one works in women’s favour: they live longer than men. And remember this happens in spite of all the shit they have to put up with. So who do you think is tougher— Men or women? Why don’t you guess? And don’t forget, women have this huge added burden of having to put up with men.

:)

Lack of posts

Sorry for the lack of new posts; my sisters wedding is coming up and I'm kind of busy helping out with that, as well as feeling nervous about seeing her [Everybody Lies post] again. I'm doing that silly thing where you visualise every hypothetical scenario imaginable, and then plan your responses and actions in accordance to the events; the worst case scenario, (If I don't get what I want-- her), I'll just tell her how happy I am that she seems to be happier without me. At least then I won't sound so selfish to her.. or maybe deep down I'm hoping she'll take me back out of pity.

5 days...

I have a post scheduled to be posted on the 20th (reason being I'm still working on it). Thanks for being patient with me, everybody.

Really?

I've been getting a lot of messages from people about the post under this one: "Everybody lies" cause apparently nobody could understand the subtle humor/irony in the post, so let me break it down.

In the first paragraph I write that I didn't want to express my feelings over my blog, but I do so throughout the post. The title is "Everybody lies". I thought it'd be obvious what I was trying to do. It's also trying to convey that I can't keep my feelings bottled inside anymore, hence why I said I was "broken". The content itself is all true, though I can't objectively say I didn't over exaggerate or underplay the events. So yes, I like playing around with my posts and adding in subtle forms of humor; personally I see nothing wrong with it, and if someone manages to pick up on it and gets a good laugh out of the irony, great, I'm a happy guy.

I don't mean to sound condescending or anything... I just don't want to get any more messages about it. I have something to get off my chest right now as well, so you can expect a new post by tonight